Hi Neighbor,
We needed to learn to let go. That was my husband and my conclusion after feeling unsettled that our family’s long-held holiday time slot was no longer certain.
New in-laws jockeying for our long-cherished holiday time and working around a new grandson’s nap schedule led to an intense timing headache. We offered multiple options to consider. After the in-laws declined our last-best invitation to combine celebrations, “Let them have prime time,” my husband reluctantly but wisely concluded. “It’s too aggravating,” I added. From this cauldron of emotion, a new year’s resolution bubbled to the surface: let it go. More forcefully stated, we had to work on not giving a sh**.
So, we loosened our grip on the way holidays had been, surrendering our long-held, nostalgia-filled time slot. We let it go but it felt wrong. Shouldn’t we push back, fight for our time? Clearly, we did give a sh**.
After the dust settled and our resolution to dis-engage was firmly in place, our daughter told us how much she appreciated our relinquishing time. She thanked us for not putting her and her husband in the uncomfortable middle. And most surprisingly, she was relieved they didn’t have to attempt negotiating with her mother-in-law. She was grateful for our support. For us, her reaction was a surprise holiday gift. She saw the situation, appreciated our reaction, and talk about teachable moments for grown kids! We managed, by working to be un-attached, to model letting go as a healthy, mature option. This transformed our hurt feelings into happiness.
After this unanticipated success, we made a commitment to each other that we would help remind the other of the newly adopted attitude and apply I don’t give a sh** to other situations. We laughed at first. Would we even be capable of remembering this with issues that we also care about? The answer is yes. Surprisingly, this works to dial down frustration in our daily lives. Wish it could be helpful for topics completely removed from our control like wars, disease, poverty, politics.
We’ve reminded one another over the past few weeks. I’m not saying we don’t care. We care. Being attached to what we care about causes discomfort. So, we’re working on letting it go, whatever the “it” is. We found this practice to be challenging but ultimately liberating.
So, hopefully my act of sharing this unanticipated insight with you is helpful. If not, you can bet that I’ll remember our resolution or my husband will remind me.
Warm regards,
Jane
Thank you Jane for sharing. This is absolutely what I need to learn!
Thank you Jane for sharing. This is absolutely what I need to learn!
View lessBravo to you! You remind me of my own very generous mother. We had the same situation with my in-laws (for whom there was never an acceptable compromise and never an offer to “let it go.”) My mother (who also dearly wanted to see her kids/grandkids) was the epitome of grace (even while I knew she was often biting her lip). Just one of the things I loved about her. She only let on to me
View moreBravo to you! You remind me of my own very generous mother. We had the same situation with my in-laws (for whom there was never an acceptable compromise and never an offer to “let it go.”) My mother (who also dearly wanted to see her kids/grandkids) was the epitome of grace (even while I knew she was often biting her lip). Just one of the things I loved about her. She only let on to me personally occasionally (with the comment “why do they always have to ‘win'” …. ) but at the end of the day, we were all happier, less stressed and grateful for her Amazing Grace.
Thanks for setting a good example for all of us.
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