I decided this morning that I’d kick back for the whole day. I had visions of reading a book, sitting outside, going for a swim or taking a long bath and a nap, walking the dogs and enjoying the long-awaited summer weather. I’d completed household chores and my work was up to date. Even my volunteer day isn’t today. But kicking back never kicked in.
There’s always an endless to-do list but that wasn’t the problem. Nor was it that my clients were demanding. It wasn’t that I felt ill or had any unmet obligations. Grocery shopping was done and dinner was easy – left overs. It wasn’t that I was being unkind to myself. So what was the issue?
I noticed that the problem was my mind. I couldn’t shut off my mind. Every time I’d sit down, my mind chatted continually: you should garden, you should clean the car, you should clean off your desk, you should, you should, you should.
I realized that the issues weren’t outside. This was an inside job.
Who’s in charge here? Obviously, my mind. I don’t want to get all philosophical but my mind is running me. And I need to train it to settle down so that I can.
Meditate. Focus on the breath. Be here now. Easy to say. Not easy to do.
Right now I’m watching my breath, being present in the moment. It’s 5:30 PM now and I’ve kicked back for a total of ten minutes today. Maybe it was worth not accomplishing this goal to discover how my mind runs me. But I’m focused on the breath, letting my concerns go with my next exhale.
It was a perfect day, just not the day I imagined.
Kind of kicking back,