Hi Neighbor!
Is the art of the handshake as a way of introduction gone forever?
I started to ponder this question a few weeks ago when I was interviewing painters to freshen up my new abode. As each one politely came to my door, there was no formal greeting, no hand thrust forward as a way of introduction, no level of firmness in the grip to measure the level of, well, everything there is to tell about a person.
There was an awkward bobbing of heads, an exchange of names, and then an entrance granted so the bidding for the job could begin. I did not hold these reputable painters at fault; I was just as awkward as they were. It seems the formality of the handshake has gone to the wayside, all but forgotten during the post-pandemic days.
I have to admit, I kind of miss it.
Not only did a handshake give me the opportunity to meet and greet someone, to look them straight in the eye and assess them, but it also gave me the chance to make my first impression on someone else. As a woman, I was always trying to impress with the quality of my handshake – firm, self-assured, steady.
Today, we do not even want to make physical contact with one another less we have to immediately wash or sanitize our hands.
Once I realized this was a pattern, the no-shaking-of-hands, I could not comfortably bring myself to be the first to thrust my hand into the short space between us. What if he did not reciprocate and my hand was left floating in the air like a dead fish in water? What if the situation became so awkward that he would not take the job, even if I definitely wanted this company to drag their ladders, drop cloths, and paint brushes into my home?
Better to play it safe. My arms – and hands – stayed safely by my side, and I used them instead to hold the door open and allow entrance into my home.
Once this pattern was established, I could not break it – or shake it. Gee, I could not even remember the last time I shook someone’s hand! Clearly people no longer expect it as a form of introduction and etiquette. We have become an informal, casual society.
Of course, I turned to the World Wide Web to find out more because I am the curious type. What I learned is that the handshake may have originated as a gesture of peace (love that!). Grasping hands as a greeting indicated proof that no one was concealing a weapon up their sleeve, literally! By slightly shaking the clasped right hands up and down, a concealed knife or weapon would be dislodged.
Another theory suggests by shaking hands it demonstrated good faith, that the person making the promise or offer was not only striking a deal but creating a bond of trust.
In modern times the handshake became part of the business world signifying an introduction, trust, and interest. This basic gesture could both begin and conclude a business transaction or serve as a greeting and a farewell.
However, once the Coronavirus hit we started elbow bumping instead, and that seemed to be the end of the handshake as we know it. No touching, no squeezing, no kissing. New rules.
While it may seem rude not to shake someone’s hand, it has become acceptable. The norm for a new generation. In retrospect and after reading how this long-standing part of our culture became obsolete, I should not have been surprised by the painters’ greeting at my front door. The absence of the handshake did catch me off guard, although it did not change the rapport or the conversation I had with painters.
Instead, it made me long for simpler times when one could comfortably reach out to another person, acknowledge the greeting with a personal touch, a real touch…a firm handshake.
Cordially,
Jackie
Now that you mention it, I shook someone’s hand recently and it did feel kind of awkward. At 63 I grew up with the handshake or even the advanced handshake which was putting your other hand palm against the forearm just a brief light touch or even on the side of the shoulder.
There was also the very common pat on the shoulder on the top of the shoulder, not in lieu of a handshake, but sometimes
View moreNow that you mention it, I shook someone’s hand recently and it did feel kind of awkward. At 63 I grew up with the handshake or even the advanced handshake which was putting your other hand palm against the forearm just a brief light touch or even on the side of the shoulder.
There was also the very common pat on the shoulder on the top of the shoulder, not in lieu of a handshake, but sometimes appropriate during an extended conversation.
You made me think about this and realize that I do the fist bump much more often now.
I wonder if the change is just due to the pandemic or an example of another generational change since any young adult I would shake hands with is old enough to remember times before the pandemic.
PS. I love these little tidbits about life that you all share and look forward to reading them every week
View lessInteresting insights, Larry. It has been a subtle shift away from the handshake. At one time, it would have been unacceptable NOT to shake someone’s hand!
Interesting insights, Larry. It has been a subtle shift away from the handshake. At one time, it would have been unacceptable NOT to shake someone’s hand!
View lessI, like you, eagerly awaited a return to normal after the constraints of the pandemic. And I gratefully meet every extended hand with sheer delight. This was not without soul-searching and preparation, however.
I thought back to my childhood and my parents constantly chiding “Wash your hands!” That cautionary advice took on new meaning as I realized they had been young children during the years
View moreI, like you, eagerly awaited a return to normal after the constraints of the pandemic. And I gratefully meet every extended hand with sheer delight. This was not without soul-searching and preparation, however.
I thought back to my childhood and my parents constantly chiding “Wash your hands!” That cautionary advice took on new meaning as I realized they had been young children during the years following “Spanish Flu” a hundred years ago. No doubt their own parents – grateful that their children had been spared – enforced hand washing as a practical and highly effective means to prevent infection. Today hand washing remains a powerful tool, but it is not as universally taught – or practiced.
Wash your hands! before touching food!
Wash your hands! before touching your face!
But back to shaking hands. We must have the courage to follow our hearts, and not be afraid to set good examples. Grasp an outstretched hand enthusiastically! And don’t be reluctant to offer your own if you sense an opportunity. But use those lovely hand wipes, perhaps offering one to someone else. Keep an extra packet on hand to give away. Become an example, a ray of hope for others that YES,we are still connected in all the good ways, that there CAN be an end to our (figurative & literal) hand wringing.
All the best things take education and effort.
View lessWell said, Vee! Very insightful – thanks for sharing your take on the handshake!
Well said, Vee! Very insightful – thanks for sharing your take on the handshake!
View less